[ He turns to look at Haruka. He looks unsure still, that maybe he should clarify what Haruka is getting himself into, though it seems like he might already know.
Xiao looks down at the shoreline again. He seems to contemplate this for a moment, but somehow, leaving Haruka here when he's asked him to stay feels worse. ]
Fine. I will stay here for a while longer.
[ He makes no effort to move, though, for aforementioned reasons. ]
[ Xiao's instinct is to pull back and leave before Haruka can get drawn in to the darkness that surrounds him. He doesn't want Haruka to get hurt. He wants to protect him, shield him from anyone that might take advantage of the fact that he's an ordinary human being. But...perhaps part of that protection also entails keeping him hopeful during, presumably, one of the bleakest points in his life.
He's not sure, either way. All he knows is that Haruka's company is not unwanted. ]
It's fine.
[ He nods once, and looks upwards. The moon is already out. Then, he glances back at Haruka. ]
[ He does the same, falls quiet as he looks out at the horizon. ]
It's been a long time since I've been among mortals, for better or worse. If I were to appear in the city and make myself known, an Adepti -- an ancient being -- that would not bode well for its citizens.
[ He pauses, chooses his words a little more carefully. ]
It's rare to see a mortal so concerned for my wellbeing over his own, knowing what I am and what I'm capable of, no matter how foolish it may be. And I have learned certain things, being here. [ ... ] Such as karaoke.
[The gratitude is strange - Haruka doesn’t think he’s done anything all that special, or that his concern is all that noteworthy. He knows he’s not the kindest person, and he knows he’s done objectionable things, but…
If Xiao appreciated silly things like dragging him into karaoke, who is he to argue?]
…We should do it again. Or more things like it.
[Maybe another island will show up, with more things to see on it.]
[ Surprisingly, Xiao doesn't take long to give Haruka an answer. ]
I wouldn't mind.
[ To put it simply. His profile says that he's not interested in mortal culture, and he's not about to admit that he's curious, but the way his expression is more relaxed implies that this is something he would like to do. ]
[Haruka scoots a bit closer, and while it's a little awkward with their difference in height, he leans to rest his head against Xiao's shoulder. He'd like a hug, especially with how horrible he feels right now, but...
He can't bring himself to ask for that, yet. But a touch like this might be okay, even if Haruka really just wants to be coddled right now.]
[ Xiao's eyes widen when he feels Haruka's head go on his shoulder. This sort of proximity is completely foreign to him -- he can't recall the last time anyone got this close to him. Some would say Haruka is a brave soul for daring to do this, but despite how Xiao stiffens, he's also not going to push the other away. ]
...
[ He's not sure what to do, but his right hand moves over to hover over Haruka's shoulder, tentatively -- and then he rests his palm on top of it. Xiao turns his head and looks down at him. ]
Are you feeling alright?
[ Xiao's tone doesn't indicate that he wants Haruka to pull back. He's genuinely concerned that the other isn't feeling well. ]
[ He's not wrong. Xiao can't even deny that it feels nice to be in someone else's company like this, someone who just wants to be near him. He's still wary, and it shows in how he pauses, because his karma -- ]
I won't argue against that. But -- my power...it can drive people mad. It can turn them into monsters. You are especially susceptible to it, Haruka, because you don't have any powers.
[ He ducks his head a little, but doesn't move his hand. ]
[ The responsible thing to do would be to walk away from this, break Haruka's spirits if only for a little while, and keep him safe. However, Xiao, who's normally so composed and sure of himself, is finding that he's more uncertain than ever.
Paimon and Aether had relayed Ushi's words to him, once. "We should just spend our lives around the people who make us happiest."
"...even though the power of a yaksha may be harmful to other people, it doesn't mean you shouldn't hang out with them."
The other yaksha had spoken to him like this before, too. They had dreamed of living like mortals once everything was said and done, and Xiao had been the lone yaksha who couldn't see himself doing so. But ever since the Chasm, ever since that talk with Aether and Paimon, Xiao has found it increasingly more difficult to stay away from pursuing what makes him happy. The Lantern Rite was the first time he'd been around so many people, and while it made him nervous, it also wasn't entirely bad. Celebrating his birthday with those he cared about brought feelings of bliss he hadn't felt in years.
Being on this island, as horrible as it is, has amplified the need to feel that all over again. Perhaps it's wrong to be around Haruka, knowing everything, but if he would truly feel worse not being able to spend time together...
Xiao closes his eyes, subconsciously squeezes Haruka's shoulder. He still doesn't know how long he'd like to stay, but: ]
[Make it count… Yes, they’ll have to, especially with no idea how long this is going to last. They might have weeks to spend together, or it might only be a matter of days. Either way, being so close to Xiao like this is comforting, and he relaxes further. He feels a bit bad for leaning on him like this, but he probably would have said something if he really didn’t mind…
Or at least that’s what Haruka tells himself, as he closes his eyes.]
Thank you, Xiao-san. For… being here for me, and everything else.
[ He's here because...it's his duty? It's his job? No, neither of those things feel right. ]
I'm here because I want to be.
[ That, on the other hand, does.
He's not quite sure what to do with himself, though, because this feels like an important moment. It's probably one that Haruka needs. What else can he do to convey a sense of safety, even if the other truly isn't safe with him, knowing what his debt can do...?
Hm. Xiao mulls over this for a moment – then, he places his free hand on top of Haruka's. ]
[ He's not used to this sort of contact, either, but he doesn't move to do anything else. He keeps his hands where they are. Xiao's quiet for a moment, but it's a thoughtful silence. ]
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Xiao looks down at the shoreline again. He seems to contemplate this for a moment, but somehow, leaving Haruka here when he's asked him to stay feels worse. ]
Fine. I will stay here for a while longer.
[ He makes no effort to move, though, for aforementioned reasons. ]
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Thank you, Xiao-san.
[He’s quiet, before he scoots over the sand, closer to Xiao.]
Is this okay…?
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He's not sure, either way. All he knows is that Haruka's company is not unwanted. ]
It's fine.
[ He nods once, and looks upwards. The moon is already out. Then, he glances back at Haruka. ]
Do you have anyone else looking after you?
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[It's been such a long day... that "trial", if you could call it that, didn't seem so long...]
Everyone knows I'm weak, after all, but I don't know.
[...]
Considering some of those people are Lobelia-san and Kanon-chan...
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[ That man...no. Just no. ]
And quit calling yourself weak. What you lack in physical strength, you make up for in other ways.
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[Which. He is trying so hard not to think about what he does with all of them???
Making up for his physical weakness in other ways... Haruka shoots him a curious look, before looking out over the sea.]
What do you mean by that, Xiao-san?
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It's been a long time since I've been among mortals, for better or worse. If I were to appear in the city and make myself known, an Adepti -- an ancient being -- that would not bode well for its citizens.
[ He pauses, chooses his words a little more carefully. ]
It's rare to see a mortal so concerned for my wellbeing over his own, knowing what I am and what I'm capable of, no matter how foolish it may be. And I have learned certain things, being here. [ ... ] Such as karaoke.
[ He sounds grateful. ]
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If Xiao appreciated silly things like dragging him into karaoke, who is he to argue?]
…We should do it again. Or more things like it.
[Maybe another island will show up, with more things to see on it.]
If you want to.
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I wouldn't mind.
[ To put it simply. His profile says that he's not interested in mortal culture, and he's not about to admit that he's curious, but the way his expression is more relaxed implies that this is something he would like to do. ]
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He can't bring himself to ask for that, yet. But a touch like this might be okay, even if Haruka really just wants to be coddled right now.]
Good. I'll hold you to that, Xiao-san.
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...
[ He's not sure what to do, but his right hand moves over to hover over Haruka's shoulder, tentatively -- and then he rests his palm on top of it. Xiao turns his head and looks down at him. ]
Are you feeling alright?
[ Xiao's tone doesn't indicate that he wants Haruka to pull back. He's genuinely concerned that the other isn't feeling well. ]
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[It’s a little huffy, a little pouty, because he’s trying to have a moment here.]
It’s just… nice to be close like this every once in a while. Don’t you think so?
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...I...
[ He's not wrong. Xiao can't even deny that it feels nice to be in someone else's company like this, someone who just wants to be near him. He's still wary, and it shows in how he pauses, because his karma -- ]
I won't argue against that. But -- my power...it can drive people mad. It can turn them into monsters. You are especially susceptible to it, Haruka, because you don't have any powers.
[ He ducks his head a little, but doesn't move his hand. ]
I don't want to hurt you.
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And… lonely.
How long has Xiao spent, keeping his distance for fear of what his presence can do to them? Has he… seen it happen?
He doesn’t just want to dismiss it, but…]
It’s okay, Xiao-san. I know you would never hurt me intentionally. I know I should probably be worried now that you’ve told me all this, but…
[Maybe the pros outweigh the risk.]
I still would rather spend time with you, Xiao-san. Even if it’s dangerous for me.
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Paimon and Aether had relayed Ushi's words to him, once. "We should just spend our lives around the people who make us happiest."
"...even though the power of a yaksha may be harmful to other people, it doesn't mean you shouldn't hang out with them."
The other yaksha had spoken to him like this before, too. They had dreamed of living like mortals once everything was said and done, and Xiao had been the lone yaksha who couldn't see himself doing so. But ever since the Chasm, ever since that talk with Aether and Paimon, Xiao has found it increasingly more difficult to stay away from pursuing what makes him happy. The Lantern Rite was the first time he'd been around so many people, and while it made him nervous, it also wasn't entirely bad. Celebrating his birthday with those he cared about brought feelings of bliss he hadn't felt in years.
Being on this island, as horrible as it is, has amplified the need to feel that all over again. Perhaps it's wrong to be around Haruka, knowing everything, but if he would truly feel worse not being able to spend time together...
Xiao closes his eyes, subconsciously squeezes Haruka's shoulder. He still doesn't know how long he'd like to stay, but: ]
We'll make it count, then.
[ He tugs him a little closer. ]
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Or at least that’s what Haruka tells himself, as he closes his eyes.]
Thank you, Xiao-san. For… being here for me, and everything else.
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[ He's here because...it's his duty? It's his job? No, neither of those things feel right. ]
I'm here because I want to be.
[ That, on the other hand, does.
He's not quite sure what to do with himself, though, because this feels like an important moment. It's probably one that Haruka needs. What else can he do to convey a sense of safety, even if the other truly isn't safe with him, knowing what his debt can do...?
Hm. Xiao mulls over this for a moment – then, he places his free hand on top of Haruka's. ]
...You can just call me Xiao.
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It makes him feel almost giddy, honestly. It’s not a typical feeling for him, but maybe he can just blame it on the unusual amount of contact.
(It’s not just that, though. It’s also the fact that it’s Xiao. There’s not many other people who would make him feel like this, if any all.]
I still appreciate it, Xiao. I’m glad you’re here.
[Maybe too glad. He shouldn’t get too far ahead of himself…]
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I wouldn't allow just anyone to get this close.
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Oh? Are you saying I'm special, then?
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...Well, like he just said, he wouldn't let just anyone come this close, and some parts of Haruka remind him of Aether. Hm. ]
...You are someone I want to protect. All of the experiences I've had with you are...novel.
[ He's said this to Aether before, too. ]
I suppose that means you are.