picking fights isn't making it better for anyone. it's just stupid, and i should have known better. picking fights never helped me before and lashing out at everyone around me didn't help either.
you don't have to be sorry and i mean that.
people do and say shitty things when they're hurt but that doesn't mean they're not allowed to be hurt.
[ If he wasn't so preoccupied, he'd be considering Haruka's words more. He would accept them.
But there's that nagging feeling, telling him that he's failed to protect anyone today.
He doesn't want to make Haruka feel any worse. Xiao knows he can't shield Haruka from the horrors of this world, nor does he want to absolve him of responsibility – he doesn't deserve to be treated so delicately, because Xiao thinks they'd both find that incredibly insulting.
He's learning that sometimes, messages are easier to communicate through. It leaves less room for people to misplace their concern. ]
Do not dwell on it if you can Look after yourself tonight
[He frowns at his u-pinion for a moment, wishing he could do more. He's sure Xiao is beating himself up, that the guilt is eating at him, that he's shouldering blame he shouldn't because it's his duty to protect others, and now...
Nona is dead and Beel is set to be executed. He's losing precious people, now, but...
Xiao has told him about the effects his karmic debt has had on those around him, and he's told Haruka about the effect his emotions have on it. He knows that going to seek Xiao out would be him in very real danger outside of Xia's control, and... and that would be devastating for him. The guilt he feels probably would eat him alive if Haruka got himself hurt, too, by being too stubborn.]
i will.
but you have to promise me you'll take care of yourself, too. i know things have been easier here in some ways, but... if there's anything you can do to help yourself with the pain, you should do it.
i love you, and i'll still be here in the morning.
[Sleep doesn't come easily to Haruka, even though he feels absolutely exhausted after the disaster this day has been, so he's wide awake when he gets Xiao's last message.]
[ Xiao will be there, straight from the Dove cabana, within minutes. He arrives before Haruka and sits in the same room they sat in earlier today, expecting him to know where to go. ]
[It takes him a little longer to get there, as he’s not particularly blessed in the speed department, but he makes a beeline right to that room where they first held hands.
He’s a little winded, but he feels immediate relief upon seeing Xiao and he doesn’t hesitate until he’s already crossed the room.]
[ He looks down at their hands. Xiao falls silent.
He just wants to be here, for a bit. He wants to be in Haruka's presence, again. After how they parted at the trial, he feels like he wants to make things right again.
They have both lost so much today, though. It's why he doesn't cry. Haruka doesn't need to lose him, too.
He quietly brushes his thumbs over Haruka's knuckles. ]
[He squeezes Xiao’s hand back, finally sitting next to him on the couch. He can’t think of any words to say, but being around Xiao… already makes him feel better.
Even if their conversation from this morning still weighs heavily on his mind.]
Normally, I would agree to it, but I feel as though Crea might want some privacy.
[ He doesn't show vulnerability in front of just anyone. Xiao wants to respect that, even though he wishes he could spend the night with Haruka, too. ]
[ Xiao nods, and he leans in to gently place his hand on Haruka's cheek. His expression softens. Xiao moves in to kiss him softly.
They've both lost so much, but at the very least, they still have one another. They've made it this far. And if Overhaul is to believed, they won't need anymore sacrifices. Still, Xiao doesn't want to take Haruka for granted, and he goes for another kiss. There's no heat behind it, only a desire to be with him. ]
[Haruka kisses back softly, before pulling back and pressing his head against Xiao’s shoulder. He almost feels like crying, again. They won’t have another trial like today, but this isn’t the end of their time here.
[He doesn’t cry, even if it might help him feel better, but it feels like he’s used up all his tears. He wishes there could be some way to guarantee meeting each other again, but… they’re here together entirely by chance. Who knows what the odds against them are?
They don’t have forever, and it hurts, but…]
But you’re still going to be okay without me, right?
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I should have let you grieve in the way I let Lacus do the same
I'm sorry, Haruka
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you don't have to be sorry and i mean that.
people do and say shitty things when they're hurt but that doesn't mean they're not allowed to be hurt.
you've got nothing to blame yourself for.
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But there's that nagging feeling, telling him that he's failed to protect anyone today.
He doesn't want to make Haruka feel any worse. Xiao knows he can't shield Haruka from the horrors of this world, nor does he want to absolve him of responsibility – he doesn't deserve to be treated so delicately, because Xiao thinks they'd both find that incredibly insulting.
He's learning that sometimes, messages are easier to communicate through. It leaves less room for people to misplace their concern. ]
Do not dwell on it if you can
Look after yourself tonight
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Nona is dead and Beel is set to be executed. He's losing precious people, now, but...
Xiao has told him about the effects his karmic debt has had on those around him, and he's told Haruka about the effect his emotions have on it. He knows that going to seek Xiao out would be him in very real danger outside of Xia's control, and... and that would be devastating for him. The guilt he feels probably would eat him alive if Haruka got himself hurt, too, by being too stubborn.]
i will.
but you have to promise me you'll take care of yourself, too. i know things have been easier here in some ways, but... if there's anything you can do to help yourself with the pain, you should do it.
i love you, and i'll still be here in the morning.
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That is why I cannot see you
Don't worry about me
I will be fine
I love you, too
Good night
much later in the evening:
Are you awake?
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yeah, i am.
i've been awake for a while now
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If that's okay.
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i'd really like to see you actually
but i know you've got stuff to worry about...
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Give me a location, and I will be there.
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the karaoke bar? is that okay?
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[ Xiao will be there, straight from the Dove cabana, within minutes. He arrives before Haruka and sits in the same room they sat in earlier today, expecting him to know where to go. ]
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He’s a little winded, but he feels immediate relief upon seeing Xiao and he doesn’t hesitate until he’s already crossed the room.]
I’m here.
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...Forgive me.
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…I forgive you.
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He just wants to be here, for a bit. He wants to be in Haruka's presence, again. After how they parted at the trial, he feels like he wants to make things right again.
They have both lost so much today, though. It's why he doesn't cry. Haruka doesn't need to lose him, too.
He quietly brushes his thumbs over Haruka's knuckles. ]
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Even if their conversation from this morning still weighs heavily on his mind.]
…Are you going back to the cabana tonight?
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[ And Crea must be incredibly lonely. For now, though, Haruka time. ]
I wanted to see you before then.
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Right, of course. Do you want me to go back with you?
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[ He doesn't show vulnerability in front of just anyone. Xiao wants to respect that, even though he wishes he could spend the night with Haruka, too. ]
Will you be alright?
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[Xiao is still in one piece. He’s still alive, he’s still here, he still… loves Haruka, despite everything and how rash and emotional he is.]
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They've both lost so much, but at the very least, they still have one another. They've made it this far. And if Overhaul is to believed, they won't need anymore sacrifices. Still, Xiao doesn't want to take Haruka for granted, and he goes for another kiss. There's no heat behind it, only a desire to be with him. ]
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And then after this…
He doesn’t want to think about it.]
I’m going to miss you.
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Two different circumstances, but they both hurt, nevertheless.
Xiao pulls Haruka close and buries his nose in his hair. ]
I will miss you, too.
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They don’t have forever, and it hurts, but…]
But you’re still going to be okay without me, right?
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